When you start on your weightloss journey you need to do it for your own reasons. You need to do it because you want to otherwise you’ll quickly lose the inertia to stick with it day after day. It’s hard to lose weight. But it gets better and easier and far more rewarding than a new pair of jeans.
People tell me now that I’ve made losing weight look easy, but in reality I struggled. A lot. I still struggle. I had to give up finding comfort in food, and I had to break out of my dangerous eating habits. I binged several times when I first started. Like a bear gearing up for hibernation, there were many times I pounded a big bag of chips because I didn’t want to give them up.
There is food everywhere you go and most of that food is the stuff to avoid: chips and donuts at the gas station fill up, candy and soda at the check out line, bread with a side of bread at Panera. It’s not easy to avoid temptations. It’ll get better, but it takes practice and lots of time.
The art of distraction and misdirection
For a long time I struggled with a big ego. At least that’s how other people interpreted it. In reality I wasn’t comfortable in my own body. I didn’t think highly of myself, and I walked around everyday with a very visible element of shame. I couldn’t hide the fact that I was obese. You can hide a muffin top with some Spanx. You can’t hide 400 pounds. Like my colleague said, “he’s got mirrors at home.”
So I acted like I had a big ego. I viewed myself as in competition with everyone else. If I had to be fat, because I didn’t think I ever would lose weight, then at least I can be the best at…and, like a magician, “look over there!” while I sit here and sweat through a block of cheese.
Instead of helping to build others up I pushed them away. I held everyone at an arm’s distance. I didn’t want them getting close. I created a bubble around myself to hide the shame I walked around with. This bubble kept me in my bad habits. The more I hid myself, shamed others, and was negative, the less I cared about the world around me. My bubble was filled with hidden servings of cookies, chips, and cheese.
No more slight of hand
I’m getting better. I’m starting to see myself more positively. With each success on the scale I can see how I’m treating others better too. I’m a better person now because I’m not afraid to be open.
I don’t need to be better than anyone else. I need to be better for myself.
This is why I’ve loved using the app LoseIt. The only person I need to be accountable to is myself. If you have a bad day and you binge, no one else needs to know. Log it so you can see your true day, but you don’t need to tell anyone.